Saturday, January 10, 2015

Nice Pants: Then and Now

A few years ago, I was hit on by some creep at work.

Of course, I shut it down IMMEDIATELY. 

He started out with "Those are some nice shoes." I was wearing a brand new pair of shoes, so I kinda stuck out my foot so he could see them better, while still clicking away at my computer.  I gave a distracted, "Yeah, I like em, they were on sale." then I asked him to confirm his social security card number so I could begin helping him. 

He then made a very failed attempt to change his voice to sound "seductive" but which just came off as really creepy.

In a low and breathy voice he said, "I...uh...I really like those pants too...they...uh... fill out your legs really nicely."

I didn't acknowledge it at all, I simply responded with, "Can you please confirm your social security card number?" with an air of annoyance. 

He laughed, still trying to flirt, and said, "Oh, so it's like that?" while leaning close to me and staring me down. 

I looked him in the eye, with a look of pure annoyance on my face and said, "Please confirm your social security number." which he finally gave me. 

We finished the awkward transaction without further incident.  

Of course I shared the story with a couple of close friends and they've never let me forget it. 

Now: Fast forward to this week at work: 

I had a meeting with a student and their parent. 

It was a standard meeting, nothing really significant occurred, they had a few questions that were easily answered and we were just about to wrap up.

I had been turned towards my computer, printing off a few things.  I had way too many windows open on my computer, and I had accidentally opened a few that I had had open when they first came into my office.  

I had a big smile on my face as I answered one of the student's questions.

The smile melted off my face as I heard the dad say, "Nice pants."

I turned, wide-eyed, to look at him, my mind was immediately racing to figure out why he'd say that to me. 

I looked down to see what I was wearing: a dress and leggings.  They were in no way, "pants." 
My panicked mind flashed through all of my friends, none of them knew him personally, or did they? Did they somehow quickly befriend this person and convince them to say that to me as a joke?

I looked at him for an uncomfortably long time, waiting for some kind of indication that he was joking. 

My face was burning bright red, my eyebrows were tightly knitted together and overall, I couldn't hide the horrified look on my face. 

I turned back to my computer, randomly clicking on screens, as I tried to compose myself.

My mind flew back a few years and I imagine the original Cassanova who tried to pick me up using that dumb line.

Finally, I stuttered, "Uh...wha-what?"

He gestures to the computer, which I was still randomly clicking on...

In between my institution's website, my work email, an online transfer guide, and my work calendar was this page:

I think Bostich should rename this the Sassy-Pants Model
Obviously, because he only saw the page for a second, he must have thought I was SHOPPING FOR PANTS!  

No, I was ordering a new stapler because mine broke two minutes before he and his son walked into my office.  

Also, I'm full of myself and was definitely NOT getting hit on.  

They DO kinda look like pants... 
And they look kinda sassy.  

I  cannot wait for my Sassy-Pants Bostich Stapler to come in.  


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